Family meetings are a proactive way to check in with each other and prevent problems from happening. It demonstrates to the child the importance of carving out time to spend with people you love to connect and communicate. 

Respect Agreements are a way to create structure for how family members will engage with each other to reduce conflict and promote problem solving. Everyone is involved in the process to set guidelines for how children will show respect for each other and their parents, how parents will show respect for each other and their children, and how everyone will show respect for the home environment. 

Young children often think in terms of good and bad. If I do the right thing, I am good; If I do the wrong thing, I am bad. Sometimes older children rationalize their behavior- If he would not have taken my car, I wouldn’t have hit him. By connecting through stories from your childhood, you are allowing your children to see that you too are fallible. The take away for your children will be that although you made mistakes, you were brave enough to take the steps necessary to restore the relationship with that person. Children also see that they can do something positive moving forward to fix their mistake. It also empowers them with the belief that, “I can build meaningful relationships with people.” 

Remember, it is about connecting. Avoid questions that may elicit a yes or no answer. A few examples that may help guide the conversation:

Restorative discipline is a thoughtful approach. Decisions are never hastily made. It is fair for both parents and children to take time to think about the whole situation before deciding what the next steps are. Parents may say, “I never thought I would encounter this happening in our home. I think we need to think about the situation and what the next steps will be. Let’s meet in a little while. Until then, why don’t you take some time to think about the events that took place. 

The Do Over approach works well when children are learning to control their impulses. At times, children will have an impulsive reaction and react emotionally. Children must teach children impulse control. Parents do so by helping their children to slow down, think about the situation, and role play appropriate ways to express their emotions. For example, if a child walks into the living room, and says, “Why did you let Johnny in my room. My toys are now destroyed. I hate having a little brother.” Simply acknowledge the child’s feelings and provide corrective feedback, “I hear the frustration in your voice, however the way you are speaking to me is disrespectful. Let’s try a do over. Walk out of the room and then re-enter. This time say, ‘Mom, can we talk? I am really frustrated right now. Then we will sit and talk.” If a child refuses to listen, simply say, “Let’s allow you some alone time to be with your feelings. Once you feel you can return to the living room and calmly talk, I would love to spend time listening.” Then provide the child space to do so. It is important for adults to not allow their child’s emotions to become entangled. Adults need to model patience and emotional stability in high stress moments.