The Impact of Grace and Courtesy

March 4, 2024

In Montessori, we emphasize two words on a pretty regular basis: grace and courtesy. But what does grace and courtesy really mean? How are they an essential part of Montessori classrooms? And what role do they play in supporting the development of social relationships?


What is Grace? What is Courtesy?


Let’s first isolate each word. Google’s Oxford Languages defines “grace" in two parts: 1. simple elegance or refinement of movement, and 2. courteous goodwill. Courtesy is defined simply as: the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others. Stated another way, grace and courtesy comprise how we move through the space around us showing respect for ourselves and others.


Grace & Courtesy Lessons


In our toddler and primary classrooms, grace and courtesy are considered to be part of practical life learning and we devote significant time to grace and courtesy lessons. For example, the adults give explicit instruction on how to walk around someone’s work on the rug, how to wait your turn, how to offer help, how to tuck a chair under the table, or how to introduce oneself. These lessons are offered one-on-one or in small groups and we often use role playing as a technique for exploring the skills.


We are very careful about how we introduce grace and courtesy to children. If we see something that needs to be addressed, we try to avoid confronting the child in the moment and we never offer grace and courtesy lessons as a form of punishment or correction. We are careful about this because children are often embarrassed when corrected by adults on the spot. When this happens, they can feel disrespected and not safe, and thus much less likely to perform the act on their own accord.


In the Older Years


As children enter their elementary and adolescent years, our approach shifts slightly. Elementary-age children are more focused on their social interactions and are learning how to navigate the ups and downs of friendships. As such, much of the grace and courtesy work at this level provides children with tools for communicating directly and respectfully, sharing perspectives thoughtfully, and even being discreet about something potentially embarrassing. In addition, they are learning how to interact with the broader community as they arrange visits or interviews, conduct themselves according to the norms of different communities, and explore how to be a host or be a guest.

The Goal


The goal in Montessori education is that these acts of grace and courtesy aren’t rigid expectations, like insisting that children say please and thank you. Rather, they become part of how children want to be and interact. Dr. Montessori is quoted as saying: “…the essential thing is that [the child] should know how to perform these actions of courtesy when his little heart prompts him to do so, as part of a social life which develops naturally from moment to moment.” 


Like all other exercises in Montessori prepared environments, we offer opportunities to regularly practice and repeat grace and courtesy skills. Because these experiences are part of the normal functioning of the day, they provide a respectful way for young people to learn expectations and for adults to provide scaffolding and assistance for social skills.


The Results


In time, as we offer these grace and courtesy opportunities and give children a safe place to practice, our young people eventually perform these skills independently. 


When you visit our school, you’re likely to see two young children sitting together one patiently showing the other how to tie their shoes. Or perhaps if you observe in a classroom, a couple of students might ask if you would like them to serve you tea or water. 


Our children bring a sad classmate a tissue or rush to assist when someone has a spill. They tuck their chairs under tables so others don’t trip over them. They carefully place a tray upon a table. They greet each other and adults in the hallways. They hold the door open when they see someone coming their way. 


In the process, Montessori children move beyond the basic niceties and think deeply about their impact on those around them. We’d love to show you this in action! Schedule a tour to see the ways that grace and courtesy help children recognize themselves as caring individuals within a supportive community. 

From Independence to Interdependence
September 15, 2025
Explore how each stage of Montessori development nurtures independence as a step toward interdependence, purpose, and meaningful connection.
Unlocking the Power of Language
September 8, 2025
Discover how Montessori’s joyful, hands-on language activities help young children build deep understanding and set the stage for lifelong literacy.
More Than a Method: Honoring the Legacy of Dr. Maria Montessori
September 1, 2025
August 31 marked the birthday of Dr. Maria Montessori. Thus, we want to take time to honor the roots of this movement, the visionary contributions of Dr. Montessori herself, and our shared responsibility to carry her legacy forward. At the heart of Montessori education is a deep respect for human potential. Unlike traditional models that begin with the adult's idea of what a child should learn, the Montessori approach emerged from deep observation and genuine curiosity. Dr. Montessori did not set out to create a new educational system. Rather, she observed children with scientific curiosity and developed an approach in response to their needs. It’s important to remember that Dr. Montessori was first and foremost a scientist. She was one of the first female physicians in Italy, graduating in 1896 with a specialization in pediatrics and psychiatry. In her medical practice, she encountered children who were often seen as uneducable. However, rather than accept this assumption, Dr. Montessori looked closer. A Discovery That Changed Everything In 1900, Dr. Montessori was appointed director of a university program for children with developmental delays. Observing their sensory-seeking behaviors in bleak institutional settings, she began studying how sensory experiences affect cognitive development. She designed hands-on materials and engaged the children in purposeful activity. The results were stunning: children who had been dismissed by society not only improved, but some went on to pass the same standardized exams given to their peers in traditional schools. Dr. Montessori’s response was not one of self-congratulation. Instead, she challenged the broader education system, asking: If children with significant delays could thrive when given the right environment and tools, why weren’t typically developing children doing better in school? This question launched a lifetime of work dedicated to understanding and supporting the natural development of all children. The Birth of the Montessori Method In 1907, Dr. Montessori opened her first classroom, the Casa dei Bambini, in the working-class neighborhood of San Lorenzo in Rome. Tasked with overseeing daycare for children too young for public school, she began by introducing simple, practical activities, starting with self-care and environmental care. She also provided an array of materials designed to engage children’s hands and minds. The transformation was extraordinary. Children who had previously been described as wild and unruly became calm, focused, and joyful. They took pride in their appearance and their surroundings. They concentrated for long stretches of time, developed social awareness, and, unprompted, began asking to learn how to read and write. Dr. Montessori was fascinated by what she called “spontaneous discipline” and the deep love of work she observed in the children. Through observation and experimentation, she continued to refine the materials, the environment, and the adult's role. Education Rooted in Development What emerged was a revolutionary approach: an educational philosophy based on the science of human development. Rather than seeing the adult as the source of knowledge and the child as an empty vessel, Dr. Montessori recognized that children come into the world with innate potential and a deep drive to learn. Montessori education supports this natural unfolding by honoring what Dr. Montessori called human tendencies, such as exploration, orientation, order, communication, work, and repetition, through carefully prepared environments that meet the specific needs of each developmental stage. The adult's role is not to instruct, but to guide, observe, prepare, and support. This vision of human development extends beyond the individual to a larger understanding of humans as part of a cosmic web of interrelationships. In this interconnected world, every part plays a role in maintaining balance and harmony. Humans have a unique place in this system, and our role requires conscious awareness, humility, and stewardship. In addition to fostering rich academic growth, Montessori education cultivates mature, adaptive, and compassionate individuals who are capable of making meaningful contributions to our interconnected world. The Enduring Impact of Montessori’s Vision Dr. Montessori eventually left her medical practice and professorship to fully devote her life to this work. She lectured around the world, trained teachers, wrote extensively, and advocated for children’s rights. She also always insisted that the focus remain on the children, not on her. Through decades of scientific observation, experimentation, and cross-cultural study, Dr. Montessori discovered that children, when provided with the right conditions at the right time, flourish. Her insights have stood the test of time. Today, there are approximately 15,000 Montessori schools worldwide, with over 3,000 located in the United States alone. For over a century, Montessori education has empowered children to reach their full potential—academically, socially, and emotionally. Yet Montessori is not just about individual success. It’s about building a better society. We know that children are not just preparing for the future. They are the future. By focusing on children’s holistic development, we are supporting a generation of individuals who are more connected to themselves, to one another, and to the planet. Carrying the Legacy Forward Dr. Montessori’s vision asks us to do more than remember her birthday. We need to believe in children, observe them closely, and prepare environments that honor their needs. This also means that we, as adults, approach our role with humility and a sense of curiosity. Our job is to accompany children as they create the future. In this way, Montessori education becomes not just a method, but a movement, one rooted in peace, interdependence, and the full development of the human being. Thank you for being part of this vision. Together, here in Louisville, Kentucky, we are carrying the Montessori legacy forward, not only by what we teach, but by how we believe in the children before us. Come visit to learn more!
More Posts