Working Through Aggressive Behaviors with Children
jenncattell • January 29, 2017
As upsetting as it is when another child hurts your child, it can be equally perplexing when your own child behaves aggressively toward another child or adult. The reasons for aggressive behavior may vary depending upon the age of the child and may be any or a combination of the following: self-defense, reaction to stressful situations, lack of routine, frustration, anger, absence of verbal skills, over-stimulation, exhaustion, hunger, lack of appropriate supervision, or imitation of aggressive behavior (Munson). Toddlers may hit and bite because they do not yet have words to express their needs and emotions. Children of school age may lash out at others because they have not yet learned to identify and regulate their emotions. Older children may act with aggression because in some situations this behavior may help them to get what they want (Morin, 2016).
Most of us experience anger and frustration at times. As adults, it is our responsibility to both model and teach our children self-control and appropriate ways to handle anger. Psychologist Dr. Joan Simeo Munson and social worker Amy Morin offer the following guidelines for working through aggressive behavior with our children:
- Set firm and consistent limits. Make sure your child knows boundaries and that hitting, kicking, biting, and other forms of aggressive behavior are not allowed; maintain consistency by ensuring that everyone involved in your child’s care knows these boundaries.
- At the first sign of aggressive behavior, step in to remove your child from the situation. Learn as much as you can about the circumstances that seem to trigger the aggressive behavior. Review with your child ahead of time behavior expectations and rules.
- Help your child to identify emotions and to discuss what he or she is feeling.
- Model peaceful conflict resolution in your home and encourage your child to use his words rather than aggression. State the rules in positive terms, demonstrating if necessary: “use gentle hands”, as opposed to “stop hitting!”
- If your child hurts someone, encourage restitution to help repair the relationship and build friendship.
- Help your child to develop go-to strategies for self-control, e.g., walking away, taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or engaging in a quiet activity to calm down. Model self-control in stressful, frustrating situations. Lowering your voice, rather than yelling can help to diffuse anger and calm emotions.
- Be conscious of words and attitudes which might encourage aggressive behavior, e.g., praising your child for being “tough” or “strong” might be interpreted by some children as encouragement to hit, bite or otherwise demonstrate physical strength or dominance.
- Be aware that any form of physical discipline may reinforce aggressive behavior in your child who may conclude that if adults can spank, hitting is ok. Avoid your child’s exposure to violence in television and video games.
- Recognize your child’s limitations in any given situation. If your child is over-stimulated, tired, or hungry, avoid activities that add more stimulation or stress. Instead, redirect your child into activities that are calming, such as Legos, Pla-Doh, reading, listening to music, etc.
- Seek professional help to identify underlying causes when aggressive behavior persists or escalates over time.
At MSL, students are coached in conflict resolution and in respecting themselves, each other and the environment. Even our youngest students work on “gentle hands”, kind words and walking away from conflict. Older children use “peace talks” and “I statements” to resolve their differences and declare peace. Ask your student to show you the
Peace Rose Lesson!
References:
www.empowering parents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/aggression/Hitting, Biting and Kicking: How to Stop Aggressive Behavior in Young Children
https://www.verywell.com/discipline-strategies-to-manage-aggression-in-children-1094953
http://www.mymontessorijourney.typepad.com/my_montessori_journey/2008/10/the-peace-rose.html
Discover how Montessori School of Louisville’s inclusive approach supports exceptional learners, offering differentiated instruction, self-correcting materials, and personalized pacing from Toddlers through Middle School.
Discover how multi-age classrooms at Montessori School of Louisville nurture individual learning, strong relationships, and natural leadership from Toddlerhood through 8th Grade. Learn how our intentional groupings empower children to learn at their own pace and prepare for life.
When Dr. Maria Montessori began developing her curriculum for elementary-aged children, she recognized that their educational needs undergo a profound transformation. Academic skills become more complex, but more importantly, the way content is delivered must fundamentally shift. In the elementary years (ages 6–12), children transition away from the sensory, hands-on physical boundaries of early childhood and move toward an expanding intellectual horizon. Around age six, a child’s scope of vision expands exponentially beyond themselves. Social connections become paramount, a vivid imagination awakens, and a deep curiosity takes hold regarding the universe, society, and their own place within the big picture. To meet this developmental leap, Dr. Montessori created Cosmic Education—a holistic framework that presents the story of the universe and humanity’s interconnected role within it. The Five Great Lessons: Springboards for Imagination At the heart of Cosmic Education are the Five Great Lessons. These are not intended to be exhaustive academic lectures; rather, they are dramatic, impressionistic stories designed to ignite the child's imagination and serve as a springboard for all future research and learning. Because children spend three years in each elementary community (Lower Elementary: ages 6–9; Upper Elementary: ages 9–12), they experience these lessons three distinct times. Each year, as their cognitive capacity grows, the lessons reveal deeper layers of meaning, sparking fresh, student-led exploration in chemistry, history, mathematics, language, and the sciences. Great Lesson 1: The Creation of the Universe Typically presented at the start of the school year, this lesson offers a captivating sense of wonder. Guides intentionally prepare the atmosphere: drawing the blinds, dimming the lights, and gathering children around a series of impressionistic materials and science experiments. The story begins in the vast, cold darkness before the universe existed, building up to the instantaneous moment of creation. Through striking demonstrations, children observe: How particles moved together and apart The speed of light and the immense scale of stars States of matter (solids, liquids, gases) The formation of the solar system, the cooling of the Earth, and volcanic activity Follow-Up Studies: This lesson serves as the gateway to physics, chemistry, astronomy, geology, physical geography, and the scientific method. Great Lesson 2: The Coming of Life As the school year progresses, attention shifts to how life emerged on Earth. To help elementary students grasp deep time, guides utilize impressionistic visual materials: The Long Black Strip: A long runner of black fabric representing Earth's vast lifespan, ending with a tiny sliver of white to represent all of human history. This material provides a humbling visual perspective on our planet's timeline. The Clock of Eras & The Timeline of Life: Colorfully illustrated charts detailing life’s evolution from single-celled organisms through early plants, invertebrates, vertebrates, and dinosaurs. Follow-Up Studies: Children dive into biology, Botany, Zoology, the five kingdoms of life, vertebrate classification, and paleontology through fossil studies. Great Lesson 3: The Coming of Humans This lesson introduces early human ancestors and the arrival of human consciousness. Children reflect on what makes human beings unique—our ability to think, reason, feel deeply, and collaborate to invent tools that solve complex problems. Guides introduce the Fundamental Needs of Humans, demonstrating how all people throughout history and across cultures share the exact same core requirements for survival and fulfillment (shelter, nourishment, clothing, defense, spiritual expression, and art). Follow-Up Studies: Ancient history, cultural anthropology, world geography, social studies, and human migration patterns. Great Lesson 4: The History of Mathematics Elementary students are fascinated to discover that mathematics was not created out of thin air, but was invented by ancient civilizations to solve real-world problems, like measuring land, trading goods, and tracking time. By learning about the contributions of the Babylonians, Egyptians, Greeks, Mayans, and early Indian mathematicians who developed the concept of zero, children realize that numbers are a shared human heritage. Follow-Up Studies: When children work through subtraction, long division, or geometry, they ground their practice in historical context, making abstract math deeply meaningful and engaging. Great Lesson 5: The History of Language Similar to the history of math, this lesson illuminates how written language evolved. From early cave paintings and Egyptian hieroglyphics to the Phoenician alphabet and the printing press, students learn how humans captured spoken thoughts to communicate across distance and time. Follow-Up Studies: Because elementary students are actively refining their reading, grammar, creative writing, and research skills, understanding the origin of words (etymology) inspires pride and curiosity in their literacy work. Experiencing Cosmic Education at MSL Cosmic Education gives children a sense of purpose and belonging. Instead of delivering isolated facts, Montessori presents the whole universe first, allowing students to see how every detailed subject connects back to the grand story of life. Would you like to observe our Lower and Upper Elementary classrooms in action and see Cosmic Education at work? Schedule a tour today!
